About two months ago, Izabelle began waking up to three times in one night seizing. I have a baby monitor in Izabelle's room to alert me... These new seizures start with a shrill high pitched SCREAM. Which startles me abruptly into rescue mode. I run and flip Izabelle from her belly to her side as she convulses so she doesn't suffocate. I realize that shortly after the start of these events that I began to wake up more in the middle of the night. I couldn't fall asleep. I became more and more tired and continued to compensate for the lack of energy with caffeinated drinks throughout each day. My trip to New York to see family and the pressure to perform as well as advocate for Izabelle's new needs within a new environment and the added pressure of friends, family, work and basic life expectations basically made me collapse and break down emotionally. I had such a hard time making the decision to go back to work full time again. I wanted to stay home and take care of Izabelle myself. Because of the house not selling, I had to maintain the same income, work even harder and find more help at home. I have done all these things but not without harm to myself. I neglect my own needs all the time. I over extend and burn out. I ended up having to take a week off. I saw my doctor numerous times. My blood pressure was so high and I was In emotional and physical distress. My doctors told me to take the week off to take care of myself so I had the strength to keep caring for my sweet high needs child. I couldn't keep burning at both ends. I'm hoping to develop new routines in selfcare so I don't end up in these dark caotic places again.
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