What the '=#%&'?

Is some kind of spiritual obstacle course or some type of mean trick!?! Do I really need to run marathons as a mom on a day to day basis! Can someone clone me so I can be a nurse, a caseworker, a pharmacist, a doctor, a playmate, a psychiatrist, a entertainer, a friend...? I wear too many hats. Over and over I'm left with questions like: 'Why would God do this to us?' It's plain cruel and unfair!!!  This hard work can't be all for nothing either! We can't just live and die. There must be a reason, some direction, some bigger plan, some chance of enlightenment!' I'm loosing the people I love to darkness, to the unknown for hours, days, weeks, months, years... I just can't accept so much of the world's suffering. Why are some of the sweetest souls tortured while others appear to be left unscathed? Or does everyone have their own version of misery?

Over the past week I've been kicked, bit, head butted, had objects hurled at my head, I've been growled at... I've had to clean urine out of my child's clothes and bedding because of these damn seizures (Diapers/depends are waiting for us at the pharmacy)! I've had to hold my child in safety holds to keep us safe. Belongings have been destroyed. I've made hundreds of phone calls for both neurological and mental health like a phean. Hell, I've even considered hospitalization. Like the kind where she's in a ward with paid professionals who know how to ease medication transitions. Tonight she refused her meds from me after a seizure. It's so hard working my ass off trying to help this little being then have her snub me! What a thankless job this can be but yet... Somehow so rewarding. Life can be full of so much joy but also so, so, SO much pain.